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| i'm listening to songs that remind me of project, looking at the faces of friends from project in pictures, wishing that i had anyone of them here with me to hang out with. Most days I think I numb myself to the distance. Everytime I'm down about moving away from OSU I think God tells me that I'm here for a purpose. But I seem to really suck at being a part of that purpose. A lot of times I find that I seclude myself because I want to get away, when in all reality the greatest thing I need is community. I'm just not a natural creator of it. It feels like a struggle all along the way to be a community 'leader.' Pray for that. I want to become a better leader of people to be in community.
Another thing I've been wondering about lately is the whole concept that sometimes people don't want to leave what they know is comfortable for what could be better simply because they want to stay comfortable. I think if I'm honest that is precisely where I find myself. It's like I make these little efforts to venture into the unknown, find it to be good but for some reason head back to the comfortable because it is where I think I gain strength. I am speaking mostly of my role here at Belmont and in Nashville and about my friendships. I leave everything at status quo because I feel like I have no support to change it. I spent this whole summer talking to random people about God but I am fearful of conversations with my friends here. Most of them have strong personalities and somehow I always feel like the definition of hypocrite whenever I think of talking with them. That might be where the real problem lies.
I was listening to a podcast of an interview with Louie Giglio. If anyone of you knew me upwards of 2 years or so ago, you know that I listened to Louie's talks like crazy all through high school and a lot into college. I've since been listening to a number of others, but still really love to listen to Louie when I can. He is the leader of the Passion Network, the head guy of sixsteps records (chris tomlin, matt redman, david crowder band, charlie hall...a few small names on that label), and an amazing speaker. So he was talking about the church worldwide. He met a guy in Australia who is now a pastor after a past of serious drug abuse. He said that after the third time he overdosed, he was puking out his guts and had nothing left. In a lonely bar he cried out to God to save him, and He did. At that very momen, unknown to the guy, his mother was praying for him. The crazy part was that his mom had just become a christian only a few weeks earlier and he didn't even know it. Louie's point was simple, that this guy knew what he was saved from and had no desire to go back to his old life in any capacity. My question is, why is it that those of us who grew up within the church are the ones who seem to turn out to be the most lukewarm. We are more likely to have the story of 'I grew up in church, fell away from God in college, and later on down the road found him again.' Why is that? What is it about growing up in the church that numbs me to the love of God? Why is is that I don't really understand the immensity of God's grace? Is it because I haven't been on the other side in my adult life? Is it because I don't really have a clear view of what not knowing if I'd go to heaven when I die looks like? I think it does. But then the question comes as to why can't it be different? What happened in the church to create this lack of fire for God? What numbs me to his love?
These are the questions that are really on my mind right now. I think the other part comes down to the fact that I am a very physical person, i need someone to be present to really feel their love. God is not a physical God except through people. When there aren't people around, then I think I don't feel His love in the most impactful way.
I think i'll end there, if you've read all this way, congrats on sticking with it. thanks for listening to my wonderings. | | |
| Ok, so this is not going to be anything deep or mind blowing, but it is in fact life changing. Well, maybe not that dramatic, but if you know me, and have seen my feet and the sandals I wear, you'll understand.
After around 5 years of wearing the same pair of reef sandals, I finally decided to take them out of circulation and place them in the hall of fame. Today I received my new sandals, and retired my old reefs. If you do not understand how big of a feat (pun INtended:) this is, then simply take a look at the pictures below, and you shall learn.
Exibit A: My worn and tired sandals that everyone seemed to keep telling me to get new ones. I restrained, even with my big toe practically walking on the ground (see exhibit B), but when the day came that my heel was now walking on the ground, I had to get a new pair.
So it goes. so now I'd like to introduce my new sandals, that will hopefully have a very long, happy lifetime and see as much of the world or more as my previous pair. You see my last pair went to France, twice! They walked the steps of Notre Dame, no not the University, the actual church in Paris! But without further adieu, here my friends are the new sandals...
So there you have it. My new footwear for the next 5 - 10 years (seeing as there are now 2 pairs of sandles to choose from!)
For those of you wanting an update on my life or something of the like, I'll try to get on that. For now I just wanted to help you share some of the joy of my new sandals!
One Love.
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| Hey everyone!
So I am officially in Ocean City on Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ. Last week was our orientation week, filled with different meetings and training times and a number of chances to hang out with people. It's so awesome to be able to walk around and find someone from project and have an awesome connection even before we really know one another. Last night it was likened to living in a dorm, only everyone here is a Christian!
I've been playing with the worship band here and that has been good. It's kind of a bit of chaos right now though, we still have to work out practice times and how it's all going to be structured n such.
People are already starting to share with people on the boardwalk, last night some girls shared about their time talking with a few girls and shared that one of them accepted Christ into her life!! It's amazing to see God moving as people are taking steps of faith to share their faith.
I'm still growing and gaining confidence in sharing. It's a hard thing to do, walking up to complete strangers and opening up a conversation about one of the most explosive topics known to man, Jesus Christ. But in that I know I will see God moving as jump off of the ledge of comfort into the unkown.
Personal Prayer Requests:
- Continued growth for me in sharing my faith
- Confidence
Hope you are all having an awesome summer / almost on summer break. Feel free to send me e-mails at Viper1448@gmail.com or send some comments! Oh yes, and my address for anyone who would like to send me a letter or anything of the sort :) ...
Kurt Aschliman
1301 Central Ave.
Ocean City, NJ 08226
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| I've been thinking lately about music, how our culture is so inundated with it that I think we begin to almost expect it to be in the background all the time. There is so much music that exists and so many new bands and songs coming out all the time, it is hard to keep up, let alone really enjoy most songs. I've been listening to the few songs that have been constant players beyond when I first buy them and the occasional listening every now and then. Songs like "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay, or "Let it All Out" by Relient K come to mind. Another one I'm listening to right now is by Shawn McDonald, called "Have You Ever." It's a song that I believe very few people who have grown up in the church could write. Shawn didn't grow up in the church. His songs express his heart, that Jesus is it, everything that he has been looking for, and everything he doesn't want to fall away from. I guess what i'm really thinking is that growing up in church can make it easy to take Jesus for granted, or at least to forget that he is everything, our lifeblood. As I've grown and learned a lot about sin and God's response, I keep realizing time and time again that He is what I'm looking for, and He is sweet. All sin does is get in my way. It keeps me from meeting with God, it keeps me from trusting him, it keeps me from enjoying this life. What if in all those moments of life we would choose life instead of sin, true sweetness instead of guilt. I know I'd have a lot of time back that was wasted feeling ashamed, not having the words to say to the grace of God. I know God's Grace, but I can't say that I have truly felt it too many times before. It's in those moments of real surrender that I think I've tasted a small bit of it, in those moments of walking with Jesus, being real with him, having a real friendship with him.
I heard it said once that true worship is our lives in God's hands. Letting go of control. Repenting and turning back to Him. Being real and honest. True Worship is not singing a song, but there are moments when songs express the words that cannot be found. "Take my world apart, I am on my knees."
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| So, it really has been forever since i've written anything here, and most of any of you that read this probably think i've fallen off the edge of the earth. Luckily, I have not, and that's something to be greatful for. Weeks have been busy and crazy and hectic and tough, but good. School and work have been my life, MPAC has been my home.
It is crazy though, my first year at belmont is almost over with. I haven't had time to sit back and reflect on it, but there definitely is a lot to think about. I'm loving what I am doing here, I love the fact that I get excited to work with audio and mix live sound. Even tonight, I had my first mixing gig at mpac. It was an opera, a 'reading' of little women, not all too exciting, but I really loved working with the sound board and just doing it. I still have so much to learn, but I love the fact that I'm excited about learning more and doing more. I think sometimes i need some validation that I am good at what I do, but with live sound, most of the time there really isn't much. For me, stuff sounds good, and is good, it's just a matter of everyone else agreeing with that!
Ok, so there are times when I am reading other peoples' blogs and don't really care so much for what happened in their day and all the details about their life. I love those writings of thought about life, reflections on everything happening. I usually try to stick to that, except that I haven't really talked about what I am doing here, so I thought I'd give that quick account above. And now it seems that I am rambling.
Final thought / reflection:
No matter what, we as humans are always loved by God. This year in my life could be considered a train wreck if one were looking at how well I lived as a 'Christian.' But in it i've grown, i've changed, i've matured, i've been brokendown and humbled by the never ending love of God. It's like when i give up, when I let go of the pride that keeps telling me I can live life on my own, that I can make it through on my own, I find out that i've been the one in the way all this time. I'm always in the way. Going on summer project in Ocean city will hopefully be a great time for me to get out of the way. I'm really excited to be with people I know and love, and have the chance to get to know new people too in such a deep setting. yea. nuff said.
goodnight
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